You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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