i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
wow bdsm is so cute
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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