So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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