Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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