Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
