I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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