dude i'm inner monologue high
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
