my mouth tastes like poor choices
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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