How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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