I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
