i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
