5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
