Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You ate ashes out of my bong
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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