Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
