do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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