What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
