i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
