once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
