fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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