you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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