When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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