I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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