there's paper in my vomit.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
