my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
