my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Sorry about my life...
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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