i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
