I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
