ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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