I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
