i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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