i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
