A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
