It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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