So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
