I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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