the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
wow bdsm is so cute
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
tell me about the fingering
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