i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
is wine microwaveable?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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