I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
