Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
