he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
