You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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