dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
