the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
she woke up with a sticky ear
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
