you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
well you can't waste a boner
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
and she was petting her beer can
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
