the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
