Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
