Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
