Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
