So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
