Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
