WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
time to smoke my breakfast
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
