dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
