She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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