i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
