and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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